Obstacles to Leaving

	Money — No access to immediate cash makes it difficult to rent an apartment when first month and last monthÕs rent and deposit is required. If women are homeless and on the street, they are at risk of having their children taken from them.

	Fear — Physical and emotional harm.
	Children — The abuser threatens to obtain custody of the children. Without access to cash, an alternative life is difficult. If women have no access to cash they may have no resources to fight the legal system.

	Few Shelters — There are 3,500 shelters for animals in this country, yet only 1,200 shelters for women and their children.

	Lack of Support — Women and their families have often been isolated and do not have a support network to draw upon.

	Family Pressure — Family and friends see the abuser as a “good guy” since the abuser is careful always to abuse in private and always displays a positive image in public.

	Culture — Culture of abused woman may tacitly or openly approve of domination of women by men and make it “okay” for males to batter.

	Religion — Religion may also tacitly or openly approve of “preserving the family” at all costs, even to the detriment of women and children.

	Guilt — The abused may feel that she has not done enough to prevent the violence against her. Victim may feel she deserved it.

	Shame/Embarrassment — The abused may feel that she is at fault and should have been able to prevent the battering and is too ashamed to make it public.
	Only LifeThey Know — The abused may be so traumatized by the continual abuse that she cannot conceive of another way of living.
	Denial — The abused and the abuser may both deny that anything is “wrong” –that they were just “having some problems.”
	Love — The abused may feel that she still loves her partner.
	Not Violent All The Time — Abuse cycles with abuser being non abusive for periods of time.
	Promises of Change — Abuser promises he will change his behavior during the “honeymoon” phase of the relationship.
	Belief in Changing The Abuser — The abused believes that if she tries a little harder, or is a little better, the abuse will really change.
	Crazymaking — The abuser tries to make the abused feel responsible for everything, especially the belief that the abused is bad.
	Remember, Leaving is a process — Domestic is a pattern of behavior learned by both victim and batterer.